A week at a time...

So after my last appointment, and dealing with lots of emotions I was really worn out for a couple days, and although the weekend was beautiful, I didn't get to enjoy most of it just because I was so tired/run down. On Friday my SIL and her boys came to spend a good part of the day with me and Lolo, she was a great help, just cleaning up/scrubbing the kitchen and all kinds of little jobs that needed to be done. I got a few things done while she was here, but didn't have the energy to do too much. I spent Saturday and Sunday feeling pretty lousy, but by Monday I felt more energy and we were able to enjoy the beautiful day for a few hours in the morning before I went in the house to work on my part of our Thanksgiving dinner. Trevor did a lot of work helping clean the dead plants out of the garden while me and Lolo worked on digging carrots, there are still more to dig, but we got a good start at least! We had a delicious supper at my SIL's and although Grandma was missing from the dinner, it was nice to spend time with the family.
In spite of the things we have been going through, I am constantly being made more aware of how many things we have to be thankful for. I don't think I was very good at voicing my thanksgiving this weekend, but I really am thankful. For a house, food and vehicles to get us where we need to go. For friends and family and their amazing support. For a caring husband who tries to make my life easier and gives me the support I need. For a healthy, beautiful, smart and happy little girl who brightens my each and every day (in between tantrums at least :) For the many, many people who have emailed/messaged/called to show their support and assure me of their prayers. Lastly, but most importantly for the amazing hope, peace and Love that God my Father has extended to me. Hope for a glorious life eternal (for me, and for this little baby, whenever God decides He is better of in Heaven than here) because of HIS love to me, even as a broken and sinful being, He loved me and gave His Son for me...and for you! The peace that I've experienced this weekend is truly amazing...not that there isn't emotional struggle happening within me, but I've been able to put it on the back burner and not let it consume my thoughts while I try to enjoy the time I have to do whatever it is that He would have me to do. I am thankful!

My appointment yesterday was fairly routine...as far as these appointments go at least. My nurse did an ultrasound and took images of the important stuff for further study, did measurements, etc. Then she had the doctor come and take a look, she always does her own ultrasound and this time she had a neonatologist along with her to observe the baby and kind of be up to date on our case for if/when this baby may need his care. He didn't speak to me at all, they just discussed my case between them a bit and my doctor talked to me about what she saw. There wasn't a lot of change in my little guy since Thursday, but no improvement either. I still feel him move quite a bit, but his swelling/fluid build up has not improved and my placenta is very thickened, over twice as thick as it should be at this point, which is usually in response to a very sick fetus. They didn't have any results back from my amniocentesis yet, but should have the rapid portion of the genetic test back by the end of this week, and possibly some of the infectious results as well. I don't have another appointment until next Tuesday, but need to be carefully watching my own health now, since the baby's condition could have an effect on me. This is known as Mirror syndrome, and everything I've read calls it very rare and dangerous... Just what I wanted to hear. Basically it means I would develop swelling/edema and my blood pressure would go up and the only way they could remedy that at this point would be to deliver the baby. So at this point we are just praying that I can remain healthy, and that baby can recover from whatever mysterious thing is causing his illness. I have a feeling this pregnancy won't be going to 40 weeks. Of course they gave us the option to "not continue the pregnancy" but we both believe that as long as there is a chance for baby, we're not going to take that away from him, unless it comes down to a major question of my health. From this point I will have weekly appointments in Winnipeg and I need to keep track of my blood pressure a few times a week between each appointment.

It is a real adjustment to only live day by day...not that I shouldn't have been thinking/living this way before... To not know what each day or week my bring in such a profound way is a challenge and a change for one who likes to at least SOMEWHAT plan ahead. I guess this is a good way for me to learn...or relearn how to leave each day in HIS hands until I am in it. Every time someone asks me if I want to do this, or if I'm planning to go to such and such event...I just don't know how to answer, because I don't know if or when I will have a baby to take care of or what my health or his health may be whenever the time for delivery comes around. For now, as they have suggested, I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible, I'm going to continue working (partly to help pay for all these trips to Winnipeg!) and just take each day and week as it comes around. And of course PRAY.